Gadgetell | Tech News, Reviews, and Interesting Things

Dave Rubin is comedian and writer who has pitched shows to HBO, Showtime and Comedy Central.  His cable access show, “The Anti Show” was secretly shot at NBC studios in New York.  Dave lives with his gold fish, Fritz. He will be updating us on his quest to conquer the tech world, in a new weekly column here on Gadgetell.

My days are limited, and I know it.  For the first time in my life, at 29 years old, I have begun to look back on my life and wonder where the time has gone.  Things were going so well, so smoothly, until that fateful Saturday two weeks ago.  That was the day that it all changed.  That was the day that my 14 year old cousin beat me at Madden Football on X-Box 360…

It seems like only yesterday that I could sit Alex down in front of my Sega Genesis and put the game on “Computer Mode” and let him think that he was actually playing.  It was a win-win situation back then.  He didn’t know that he in fact was doing nothing, and for me, I didn’t have to play against a 4 year old.  Clever, indeed.

As time went on he learned to how to actually play and over the years we’ve played every version Madden known to man.  We’ve matured from Sega Genesis, to the original Playstation, to PS2 and finally to X-Box 360.  I should’ve known before we sat down that day that disaster was about to strike, I mean the controllers don’t even have wires, but I played nonetheless.

Ultimately, the reason for my loss wasn’t because of my advanced age, or because of my lack of practice, but because of the evolution of the video game controller.  See, I grew up playing the original 8-bit Nintendo.  Oh, those were the days.  The controller had only 2 buttons, “A” and “B”, and they were more then enough.  I mean for God’s sake, we even could do fancy codes in there like Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right- B-A-Select-Start to get 30 lives in “Contra.” Yea, they were good times.

Continue on the road to Dave’s gaming retirement…

Then, along came Sega Genesis, with it’s three button controller.  At first I didn’t like the “C” button, but I soon grew accustomed to it, and dare I say my best video game playing days were on this 16-bit system.  Sonic ran where I wanted him to and jumped whenever it was appropriate.  Those too, were good times.

A couple years later, my sophomore year of college to be precise, came Playstation.  Originally, I was scared of the system altogether, much less the controller itself, but eventually I gave it a try.  I found it quite bizarre that the buttons had shapes on them, like square and triangle, instead of letters, but I like to think that I can change with the times, and I think that my play in “NBA Live ’98” reflected such.  The good times continued to roll.

Within weeks of buying PS2, I knew that my best video game playing days were behind me.  Somehow, while I shot my way through “Metal Gear Solid” on Playstation, I just couldn’t get a hold of the second one on PS2.  The controller was the same, but something about it just wasn’t right.  Nonetheless, I have played and continue to play many games on PS2, and while often am frustrated, I still have my shining moments.

And now back to where we started.  I shouldn’t have even played my cousin on that day.  See, I had been doing a lot of drinking the night before and forgot that I had to make the trek on the train all the way out to New Jersey from New York City early in the morning.  On the train I sat next to an old woman who told me her life story while knitting.  By the time I got to Jersey I was a complete mess, and before I could even sit down my cousin Alex was challenging me to a game of Madden ’06 on X-Box 360.

A half hour later I came upstairs from the basement as a defeated man.  Yea, the buttons were mostly the same as the original X-Box, but the various circumstances left my coming up short.  The 4 interceptions I threw probably didn’t help, nor did the two safety’s.  (For the record though, I do think I’m the first person to ever get even one safety in a football video game.)

Anyways, my retirement from video games is now a forgone conclusion.  However, I want to wish all you video game hotshots out there the best of luck when you’re my age and you’re playing against your younger, quicker cousin who also happens to be so hopped up on Ritalin that he can actually leave the room to get a drink during a defensive play and still manage to sack you in the endzone.

So good luck to you, and try to stay as far away as possible from the new Nintendo Revolution Controller…

Read more of Dave’s musing at The Daily Dave

Keep up with the latest gadget goodness! - Subscribe to our feed →